I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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