Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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