We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
