I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
