Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
