is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
