tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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