I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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