I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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