i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
