Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
