just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
