Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
