My balls are so social today.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
