Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize