I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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