Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
