Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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