So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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