That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
