I just cut my nipple shaving
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize