do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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