She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
this boner is exhausting
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
