it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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