If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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