i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
