Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
