I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Randomize