She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
