Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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