Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
