So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
no. you can't hotbox the world.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
