Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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