I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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