Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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