He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
