Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wish i was in the wii world.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
