Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
