I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
