never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Drake has all the answers
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
