Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hippo gnu deer
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
