you're like a bully in the Christmas story
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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