what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
