Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
