I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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