I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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