so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Your cock deserves a montage
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
