You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
