So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I did not marry a roomba.
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