Soap is not a condiment
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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