I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
