I smell stomach acid.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
