You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
