Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
