6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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