He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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