Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
