I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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