Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
