my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
