Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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