Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
