My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
