i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
