You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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