just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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