so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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