I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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