Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
