You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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