When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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