Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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