Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
