Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
