i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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