jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
