I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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