I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
