they need to just BURY HIM!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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